Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Easter Nightmare

My family didn't have Easter dinner at home. We went to a restaurant called 'The Venus de Milo' for their Easter buffet. This place is one of those reception hall slash faux classy restaurants which is normally booked for large wedding receptions, post funeral receptions, and other social events by people with questionable taste. My senior prom was held there in fact.

I hate celebrating holidays in public places. My family normally has holiday dinners together at my parent's apartment or one of my older siblings places, but because of some extenuating circumstances, the mom and older sister cabal which decides where holiday meals will take place, opted to eat at a restaurant. I'm the youngest son in the family so I don't really have much of a say in the decision. Also I'm not a good cook and probably couldn't pull off a big family meal. It's really one of those 'put up or shut up' situations. I opt to shut up most of the time.

But that doesn't mean I won't bitch! I felt like something was broken with the place and that I was surrounded by broken people. Going to restaurants on the holidays is sad. I can't tell you why exactly but it is.

Let me just say it wasn't all bad. On the plus side I got to see my older sisters together and playing with my nieces and nephews is always a blast, they're all cool and really bright kids. Which we could have done together at one of our homes.

The waitstaff looked miserable. I felt guilty being there, like I was contributing to these poor people's miserable day. I was keeping them from their own family gatherings simply because we apparently needed someone to pick up our buffet plates and bring us tiny glasses of soda from the bar. I hope they got paid time and a half at least.

I really didn't want to be there at some points. I escaped to the bathroom for a breather about halfway through. I took a halfhearted piss though I didn't really need to. I had no choice but to be there I suppose. The alternative was to snub my family and I couldn't do that. But the place was just too big. The people too big.

I can't stand crowds. Especially crowds which consist mostly of obese old people with walkers, canes, crutches, and motorized scooters, greaseball men with paisley polo shirts with popped collars, and bitchy middle aged women who dress in slutty clubbing gear with their flower and crucifix ankle tattoos fully visible yelling at their fat children to put their cell phones and Nintendo DSs away. Oh man, it was grim!

This is all slightly annoying, right? This is the day to day stuff you have to endure in working and lower middle class America. You may be thinking that I'm just being a miserable shit just to be a miserable shit because I must enjoy it. Well yeah that's partially true but I didn't get to the worst part… this little detail will convince you I'm not being melodramatic.

Sigh… by far the worst part was the guy dressed up in a bunny suit who was shuffling around the tables waving to either really excited or frightened children and getting his photo taken by dozens of cellphone cameras. Parents would force the guy to hold their toddlers and then direct him with their hands to reposition himself so they can get the perfect shot. His giant bunny head had a plastic face with a wall-eyed expression and I could see the artificial fur on his thighs and inner elbows was all matted from having kids crawling all over him. I hope the guy got paid well, because it looked like absolute torture.

So my doodle today is dedicated to you bunny man. May you one day rise above!

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