Take The Money

Gifts of money are just grand...
until you have to take the stand.
Where jealous people with hateful jelly eyes
will ask you to recall...
how and when and why and where...
you, Mr. Viking, got it all.

So when you get slimy money scrub it clean
Hide the hurt, the dirt, and the paid-for-skirts.
Return brown paper to its proper green.

Friendship Curse

"I liked my new friend a few moments ago, but now I don't.  Nothing has changed between us.  Right?"

Sorry the bubble has burst.
Your friendship is cursed.
Warm feelings don't last forever
Because one day we all discover
That Bobby is no better than Jimmy who is no better than Jane
Retroactive personality lameness... that crushing sameness
Is the worst kind of adulthood pain

Providence Cartoon Club

If you live in Providence and you like cartoons you'll like thiiiiiisssss.

Bad Elements

Mercury, Lead, Uranium, Plutonium
Beasty, Brick, And Bobo
All Bad Elements
Don't Put Them In Your Mouth
Don't Let Them Under Your Skin
They're Catalysts For Dangerousness
They'll Take You Down With 'Em
You Think It's Clowning Around
You Think You're Painting The Town
Well Lemme Tell You Something
Do You Want A Life Where
You Spend Your Days And Nights Slumming
Drug Smuggling
Huffing
Puffing
Head Numbing
And Ruining Your Plumbing
Living To Forget You're A Mess
And Everyday Asking For Forgiveness
A Life Like That Is Senseless
Do What Your Dad Tells Ya
Stay Bad Element-less

Robot Love

People And Their Feelings
Bah!
Who Need's Em
So What If Some Are Soft
And Smell Better Than Food
They Want Too Much
And Talk About
What They Want Too Much
Which Is Rude!

They Need So Many Things
Sleep, Sheep, Water, Wheat
Vitamin C, Vitamin B,
Six AND Twelve
Photos And Frames And Shelves
Touch And Smiles From Strangers
Comfort AND A Little Danger!

See!
They Want Impossible Things
Paradoxical Things
Things That Can't And Will Never Exist
Ephemeral Things They Should Try To Resist
Things That Last Forever And Shouldn't
Things That Do What One Couldn't

Well, Well, Well
It's A Crazy Chase
To Keep Everyone Happy
So They Stay In One Place
There's Always A Better Way
That's What My Dad Used To Say
And Here It Is
The Gee Arr Ell Ex Six

It Does Everything Humans Do
Eat, Sleep, Worry, Waste, And Want
Walk, Wait, Bathe,Baste, And Flaunt
And It Does These Things More Efficiently
Than Humans Do Them By A Factor Of Three

The Only Problem Is They're Highly Flammable
And One Or Two May Have Gone Cannibal
But Don't Worry We're Working On A New Model
The Next Generation Will Be Much Slicker
Which We Can't Say For Humans, Eh?
Yes... They Just Get Sicker!

Foreign Dignitaries

Foreign Dignitaries
Men On The Go
Ones You Want To Know
The Link, The Bridge
Of What Could Be And What Is
The Power Players
The Heavy Hitters
And Nation-Sitters
Fashion Plates
Or Heads Of State
Colder Than A Refrigerator
Keep The Peace
Or Make A Crater
Remember...
It's All About Choices
Choices
Choices
Choices
Choices Spoken By Lovely Voices

Brain-Stroming

I Make My Brain Rain
By Keeping Some Things The Same
And Changing Little Bits Lots of Times
And Sharing Them Along With Rhymes
On The Internet For All To See
To Get Laughs And Slaps On The Knee
So I Can Get Paid For Innocent Fun
Instead of Making Things That Make Others Dumb
Or Numb
Or Glum
Or Will Turn Them Into Bums
Or Make Them Cum
And Make Millions Of Unwanted Responsibilities
So We Have To Cut Down The Trees
And Kill All The Honeybees
And Fight Over Water
And Mindlessly Slaughter...
People Who Have What We Want
So We Can Still Flaunt
And Preen And Be Obscene
And Do Wha-Wha-Wha-Wha-Whatever
Forever And Ever And Ever

Practical Transportation

Vroom Vroom!
Make Some Room.
My Box Is Steel.
It Has Four Wheels.
It's Climate Controlled.
It Makes Me Feel Old.
It Gives Me Back Pain.
I Can't Wait For A Train.
Vroom Vroom!
Make Some Room.

Loved Too Much

Smek

Furious Fist
Led In His Mitt
Leeds With His Weight
Foot Planted Arm Straight
Crouch, Jump, And Pow!
Like A Kick From A Cow
Teeth Cracked
Jaw Cracked
Nose Broke
Blood Choke
Bright Light
Lights Out
Time Out
Shirt Splatter
Blood Flecks
Zoom-Wham-Boom-Smash-Smek!