Hairy Doodle

Strange Mood - Sinus Infection

2012-02-12T23:10:00.000-05:00

Kings can be defeated.

beaten or breaded.

Pizza maybe deviled eggs.

Mood stablizers.

A mirror with a bevelled edge.

Image tranquilizer.

Taste and rate.

dishes and plates.

Feasts from the past.

Swollen and hairy.

I'm very sorry.

At least population is increasing.

So things can't be all bad.

9 to 5 in' it.

2012-02-09T08:40:00.002-05:00

Work force, work horse, work boss.

Get up brush your teeth and floss.

Put on a clean shirt and give your hair a squirt.

It's time to make some bucks.

It's bucks that make my time.

If your mind is on your money...

everything is fine.

If you're fined money don't pay

it any mind.

Head down, big smile, shoes shined.

Take The Money

2011-11-20T12:30:00.001-05:00

Gifts of money are just grand...
until you have to take the stand.
Where jealous people with hateful jelly eyes
will ask you to recall...
how and when and why and where...
you, Mr. Viking, got it all.

So when you get slimy money scrub it clean
Hide the hurt, the dirt, and the paid-for-skirts.
Return brown paper to its proper green.

Friendship Curse

2011-10-24T23:07:00.001-04:00

"I liked my new friend a few moments ago, but now I don't. Nothing has changed between us. Right?"

Sorry the bubble has burst.
Your friendship is cursed.
Warm feelings don't last forever
Because one day we all discover
That Bobby is no better than Jimmy who is no better than Jane
Retroactive personality lameness... that crushing sameness
Is the worst kind of adulthood pain

Providence Cartoon Club

2011-08-22T11:06:00.003-04:00

If you live in Providence and you like cartoons you'll like thiiiiiisssss.

Bad Elements

2011-08-18T15:40:00.005-04:00

Mercury, Lead, Uranium, Plutonium
Beasty, Brick, And Bobo
All Bad Elements
Don't Put Them In Your Mouth
Don't Let Them Under Your Skin
They're Catalysts For Dangerousness
They'll Take You Down With 'Em
You Think It's Clowning Around
You Think You're Painting The Town
Well Lemme Tell You Something
Do You Want A Life Where
You Spend Your Days And Nights Slumming
Drug Smuggling
Huffing
Puffing
Head Numbing
And Ruining Your Plumbing
Living To Forget You're A Mess
And Everyday Asking For Forgiveness
A Life Like That Is Senseless
Do What Your Dad Tells Ya
Stay Bad Element-less

Robot Love

2011-08-18T10:07:00.005-04:00

People And Their Feelings
Bah!
Who Need's Em
So What If Some Are Soft
And Smell Better Than Food
They Want Too Much
And Talk About
What They Want Too Much
Which Is Rude!

They Need So Many Things
Sleep, Sheep, Water, Wheat
Vitamin C, Vitamin B,
Six AND Twelve
Photos And Frames And Shelves
Touch And Smiles From Strangers
Comfort AND A Little Danger!

See!
They Want Impossible Things
Paradoxical Things
Things That Can't And Will Never Exist
Ephemeral Things They Should Try To Resist
Things That Last Forever And Shouldn't
Things That Do What One Couldn't

Well, Well, Well
It's A Crazy Chase
To Keep Everyone Happy
So They Stay In One Place
There's Always A Better Way
That's What My Dad Used To Say
And Here It Is
The Gee Arr Ell Ex Six

It Does Everything Humans Do
Eat, Sleep, Worry, Waste, And Want
Walk, Wait, Bathe,Baste, And Flaunt
And It Does These Things More Efficiently
Than Humans Do Them By A Factor Of Three

The Only Problem Is They're Highly Flammable
And One Or Two May Have Gone Cannibal
But Don't Worry We're Working On A New Model
The Next Generation Will Be Much Slicker
Which We Can't Say For Humans, Eh?
Yes... They Just Get Sicker!

Foreign Dignitaries

2011-08-18T09:57:00.004-04:00

Foreign Dignitaries
Men On The Go
Ones You Want To Know
The Link, The Bridge
Of What Could Be And What Is
The Power Players
The Heavy Hitters
And Nation-Sitters
Fashion Plates
Or Heads Of State
Colder Than A Refrigerator
Keep The Peace
Or Make A Crater
Remember...
It's All About Choices
Choices
Choices
Choices
Choices Spoken By Lovely Voices

Brain-Stroming

2011-08-16T12:12:00.004-04:00

I Make My Brain Rain
By Keeping Some Things The Same
And Changing Little Bits Lots of Times
And Sharing Them Along With Rhymes
On The Internet For All To See
To Get Laughs And Slaps On The Knee
So I Can Get Paid For Innocent Fun
Instead of Making Things That Make Others Dumb
Or Numb
Or Glum
Or Will Turn Them Into Bums
Or Make Them Cum
And Make Millions Of Unwanted Responsibilities
So We Have To Cut Down The Trees
And Kill All The Honeybees
And Fight Over Water
And Mindlessly Slaughter...
People Who Have What We Want
So We Can Still Flaunt
And Preen And Be Obscene
And Do Wha-Wha-Wha-Wha-Whatever
Forever And Ever And Ever

Practical Transportation

2011-08-16T09:23:00.004-04:00

Vroom Vroom!
Make Some Room.
My Box Is Steel.
It Has Four Wheels.
It's Climate Controlled.
It Makes Me Feel Old.
It Gives Me Back Pain.
I Can't Wait For A Train.
Vroom Vroom!
Make Some Room.

Loved Too Much

2011-08-15T17:38:00.000-04:00

Smek

2011-08-12T23:30:00.004-04:00

Furious Fist
Led In His Mitt
Leeds With His Weight
Foot Planted Arm Straight
Crouch, Jump, And Pow!
Like A Kick From A Cow
Teeth Cracked
Jaw Cracked
Nose Broke
Blood Choke
Bright Light
Lights Out
Time Out
Shirt Splatter
Blood Flecks
Zoom-Wham-Boom-Smash-Smek!

Zero Charisma

2011-08-12T15:45:00.003-04:00

Coke Bottle Glasses
Questions Hall Passes
Never Skips Classes
Body Language Deaf
Field Hockey Ref
Strives To Be The Best
A Brain Bigger Than Most
Puts Marmalade On His Toast
Either Wheat Or Honey Oat
Never Left The East Coast
But Vacations In Connecticut
Does Math For The Hellavit
Rode A Camel AND An Elephant
An Eloquent Speaker
Keeps Women In The Freezer
Breath like A Gorilla
Never Danced To "Thriller"
Never Said "I Missed Ya"
Man With A Plan And Zero Charisma.

Sinus Supremus

2011-08-12T13:07:00.003-04:00

Sinus Supremus
Honker That's Dee-Lux
Spandex Clad Devil.
Schnozz Like A Shovel.
Fun Fair Reject.
Sun Stare Defect.
Blind In One Eye.
And Unable To Cry.
Angriest Always.
Staggers In Hallways.
Has Mucus Munitions.
And Global Ambitions.
Without A Sidekick
Uncontrollable Face Tic.
Sinus Supremus,
A Leader... Believe Us.

Like Cool

2011-08-11T12:56:00.007-04:00

Like Cool.
Cool like.
I like Ike.
Ike Cool.
Bike Pool.
Car Pool.
Bar Stool.
Bar None.
Star-Nun.
Ninja-Star Nun-Chuck.
Genghis Khan Hun-Fuck.
Kublai Khan Hen-Pecked.
Moby Dick with Greg Peck.
Moby Grape and Phillip Dick.
White Whale Tiny Ship.
White Flight Back Up.
White Knight Attack Up.
Evade Up Defense Down.
No King No Crown.
No Cake On Candles.
Pumps don't work 'cause the vandal took the handles.

Chachi and Bobo - Magic Practice

2011-08-11T12:30:00.002-04:00

Chachi and Bobo - Print Up Some Tee Shirts

2011-08-03T07:00:00.000-04:00

Chachi and Bobo - Second Hand Underpants

2011-08-01T17:34:00.002-04:00

Chachi and Bobo in "Rest"

2011-07-29T07:00:00.002-04:00

I've been on both sides of this equation.

Parent-O-Max 3000

2011-07-26T16:31:00.003-04:00

Goes Great With Eggs...

2011-07-26T07:00:00.001-04:00

My Coach

2011-07-22T07:00:00.001-04:00

Exercise Entertainment

2011-07-20T07:00:00.001-04:00

So many like their exercise with a slice of motion picture magic... I don't get it. I like to listen to my body. There's all kinds of crazy rhythms and sounds that get created when I run or cycle. Glugs, gloops, pats, rattatats, and pulses that I never get to hear otherwise.

Brian!!! No!!!

2011-07-19T07:00:00.002-04:00

Fruit Scented!!!

2011-07-18T09:58:00.003-04:00

Make Something Out Of Yourself

2011-07-15T07:00:00.002-04:00

Awww... They Aren't Fighting...

2011-07-12T07:00:00.000-04:00

Lost Youth

2011-07-08T10:35:00.003-04:00

APe-PEEL TO YOUR BASE

2011-07-05T09:00:00.001-04:00

I find election politics terrifying.

Leavin' (demo)

2011-07-04T08:40:00.003-04:00

I don't try to sound like Lou Reed, but it keeps on happening...

Leavin (demo) by Dusty French

Conrad The Confessor #1

2011-07-01T09:00:00.002-04:00

Garden Of Earthly Delights

2011-06-22T22:07:00.000-04:00

My Treasure

2011-06-14T15:36:00.005-04:00

We all have objects we treasure, which means we all have treasure. We show them off when guests come over... carefully taking them out of their hermetically sealed display cases then holding them overhead as others gasp awestruck at the object's beauty... transfixed by its radiant glow. Then we take our treasure and eat it, destroy it, store it out of sight forever, or if we're smart dangle it in front of others to make them want it desperately and then sell it to 'em at an inflated price.

The Demon Inside

2011-06-14T15:29:00.001-04:00

Drawn by me and colored by my good friend, Nate.

Chachi and Bobo #1

2011-06-14T12:16:00.002-04:00

Why Is This So Difficult

2011-06-09T13:23:00.001-04:00

Click image to embiggen.

Where The Magic Happens

2011-05-28T16:36:00.002-04:00

Goes Unsaid

2011-05-26T09:57:00.002-04:00

Something tells me that the kind of person who'd pee on the floor right next to a urinal is not the kind of person who pays close attention to signs. I'm not a gambling man but I'd wager that whoever taped this up is not going to win this war.

Just A Perfect Day

2011-05-19T12:04:00.004-04:00

Click image to embiggen.

Sentimental Value

2011-05-09T19:47:00.005-04:00

The Tuffest

2011-05-09T07:00:00.002-04:00

Forbidden Luv

2011-05-06T07:00:00.000-04:00

Don't Lose Your Cool

2011-05-05T07:00:00.000-04:00

Let's Agree To Disagree

2011-05-03T17:46:00.004-04:00

Like My Cousin

2011-04-25T12:41:00.005-04:00

Like My Cousin by Dusty French

I've recorded some strange tracks. This one has been marinating on my hard-drive for a year or so. I spent this past Saturday afternoon tweaking it, mixing it, and wondering why I spend time recording nonsense when I should be investing in real estate and buying and selling orange juice futures.

Junk Blondes - Stay Entertained - Cassette Art

2011-04-25T09:31:00.007-04:00

Custom cassette art as requested by my friend, Abraham.

I took this photo last summer in Aften Virginia, at the Cookie Lady's super special apartment for bicycle tourers. The Cookie Lady, June Curry, is a lovely woman. I hope she's well.

It's a cool photo. I'm glad I could put it to use. It fits the tone of the music.

Baby's First Threadless T-Shirt Design

2011-04-15T09:00:00.000-04:00

If you vote for this they might print it up and pay me a couple g's. If that happens you can come over to my house for a pizza party!

You can vote here...
http://www.threadless.com/submission/335844/Drink_From_Your_Own_Cup

Gradient Awareness

2011-04-12T11:20:00.003-04:00

Here's a digital coloring job I did on a cartoon I posted a few weeks back.

I'm always wary of using gradients in Illustrator. It's all too easy to make an image look gimmicky. Also colors that are really different in value or hue shouldn't be used together in a gradient, unless you have a really good reason. I think the gradients are subtle enough here that they work.

Put A Mollusk In Your Mouth

2011-04-11T09:00:00.000-04:00

Come See Me Act The Fool Tomorrow Night

2011-04-10T13:14:00.005-04:00

PechaKucha Boston is letting me talk about my work in front of serious design professionals. Come to that new bar, Oberon, in Cambridge tomorrow night and see me. I'll be showing my latest stuff and I'll blab about my latest theories on cartoons, color, logos, advertising, propaganda, and straight-up emotional manipulation. For real. Here's the first slide...

Then I'll be working the room, sweaty and desperate, handing out business cards and hoping that someone will want to pay me money for painting stupidity.

Product Line

2011-04-10T13:02:00.000-04:00

Self Pity

2011-04-08T13:54:00.003-04:00

Feeling sorry for yourself is the first step to becoming a major asshole.

Another STICK logo

2011-04-08T10:15:00.005-04:00

Every Man Needs A Backup Plan

2011-04-08T09:00:00.002-04:00

So this is one of those ads which pretend to be aimed at one audience but is secretly playing to another. Oh it claims on the surface to be aimed at men, but uh uh uh that's not really the case. I've seen published "professional" ads pull this trick before. A lot of male hygiene products, you know the "bullshit" ones, will actually advertise to women. That sexy girl wearing her boyfriend's shirt and sniffing his collar in orgasmic ecstasy is actually made to appeal to women. Because the advertisers know women will put the pressure on their husbands or boyfriends to buy that smoothing aftershave lotion or cologne.

If your roommate gets involved with the kind of women who read Cosmo and Esquire there's an I'd say 75% chance that your bathroom will soon be stocked with things other than soap, toothpaste, and shaving cream, things like botanical shampoo and conditioner combos, and mango scented exfoliating facial scrubs. That's what these advertisers are banking on.

Anyway back to this particular ad. It's doing the same thing, but really overtly. This has the feel of a pharmaceutical ad mixed with a New Yorker cartoon. There's something very feminine but clinical about the font face I used. Optima with tight kerning in a warm color says, "vaginal health product".

My favorite part about this cartoon is the man's chest hair. I modeled the pattern of growth on my own. Except making it hairier on the sternum, y'know "fer laffs."

Oh, and the logo of the girl holding the stick was a byproduct of the cartoony ad. I was playing around with ideas and drew her in the margins.

She looks like Rosie Perez. I wasn't aware that I was drawing a boricuan mami at the time but hey these things sometimes just happen. I could replace the stick with a red white and blue rocket-pop and silk screen it on a fleet of ice cream trucks that'll drive around San Juan dispensing ice cold treats. "Los Bocaditos Frios de Mami Caliente" is what I'll call the enterprise.

Will Of The Gods... Schmill Of The Gods

2011-04-07T17:16:00.003-04:00

Another ad in my STICK campaign. I'm especially proud of the radiant lighting from the volcano. I normally steer away from using super-saturated colors but in this image it makes sense to make the lava as red as possible.

Nothing Clubs Like A Stick

2011-04-06T22:35:00.001-04:00

This ad appeals to those who rank high for power and moderate for glory.

I Got To Admit It's Getting Better

2011-04-06T11:26:00.004-04:00

Power Men and Glory Men

2011-04-05T15:56:00.002-04:00

"In any great affair.. two kinds of men must work together; the talent, defined as 'glory men,' and the executives, defined as 'power men.'" - David Cort, The SIN of Henry R. Luce

Here's Something Boring

2011-04-05T15:22:00.001-04:00

Toast Escape

2011-04-01T21:09:00.004-04:00

Fact: Only multigrain bread has the guts to escape the slammer. Other kinds of bread are too complacent.

Brian Eno Instrumental Break Sampled To Make Children's Toy

2011-04-01T11:34:00.004-04:00

Brian Eno and Mattel have joined forces? One would suspect...

Stimulation Boxes

2011-04-01T09:00:00.000-04:00

Hey we all use 'em. You're using one now!

Nightmare Mini-Comic

2011-03-28T14:26:00.003-04:00

... to be continued

Mini-paintings

2011-03-26T10:23:00.004-04:00

I painted the backs of a bunch of old business cards last night... here are some of the best. These are painted with just red and black ink. Just an exercise in restraint.

Hero Worship

2011-03-25T19:35:00.003-04:00

Imitate your heroes... become your heroes.

Hair By King Beasty

2011-03-22T13:39:00.003-04:00

Beasty King Ham Radio-Up

2011-03-21T12:21:00.003-04:00

Deflated

2011-03-20T23:58:00.004-04:00

Election Politics

2011-03-15T10:26:00.002-04:00

A Tryout For An Animation Illustration Gig

2011-03-11T17:30:00.004-05:00

I painted these in Illustrator. This was a tryout for an animation illustration gig. The company makes online videos advertising new technologies. I had to do these quick. It's fun designing easy to read graphics and layouts with a tight time constraint.

I learned the pressure sensitive blob brush tool is your friend. I avoid the traditional brush and pen tools if I have to work quick.

Hopefully these will get me the job and I can start making some moderately steady money.

It Takes All Kinds

2011-03-10T09:00:00.006-05:00

termites will kill an ant
if he gets in the way of their trees
they'll feast on his thorax
with red wine and soft cheese

Power Is The Ultimate Aphrodisiac...

2011-03-10T09:00:00.005-05:00

... so you should be feeling shocks to your love parts when looking at this.

Well Fed

2011-03-09T11:26:00.003-05:00

"I hope these are organic."

Baby-Sitting

2011-03-07T10:56:00.005-05:00

Traditional media is fun. Scanning, stitching, and color correcting is not. I need to up my traditional media to digital translation techniques... make this now painful process automatic.

Also, I have a hard time going back to a tablet and a monitor screen after a few days of paper and paint. Paper and paint is more personally rewarding but much more time consuming, and as I've learned it ain't all about having fun... unfortunately.

They're Just As Afraid Of You As You Are Of Them

2011-03-06T15:15:00.002-05:00

Painted this for my nephew's birthday. That's him there exploring the surface of Mars with his bearded dragon, Scooter.

Beast Fur

2011-03-03T13:43:00.007-05:00

My latest page still in the polishing stage.

Beast Grease

2011-03-02T21:31:00.003-05:00

Another one of my children's book WIPs.

Beast Brand Horn Powder

2011-03-02T13:25:00.005-05:00

Here's a sample from the children's book I'm working on.
Clicking the image makes it bigger in case you didn't know.

Welcome Home, Son / Daughter / Friend

2011-03-01T10:30:00.007-05:00

Here's some quotes about home gleaned from the ol' Internet and my memory, and some I just made up on the spot. Some are sappy, some poignant, and some totally innacurate.

Enjoy, homeys.

Home is not where you live but where they understand you.
- Christian Morganstern

Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to.
- John Ed Pearce

Home is where you can say anything you please, because nobody pays any attention to you anyway.
- Joe Moore

Home is where you can live alone in the woods in a cabin that you don't have to pay property taxes on.
-Stewart Linden

Home is the place where you can get a three dollar Vietnamese sandwich and a twenty dollar Oriental massage with a happy ending on the same block.
- Chuck Calostomy

Home, the spot of earth supremely blest, A dearer, sweeter spot than all the rest.
- Robert Montgomery

Home is where I keep all the crap I wish I didn't buy in the first place.
- Emily Channing

Home is where I don't feel weird about taking my laptop into the bathroom when I need to take a dump.
- Gregory David

Home is where the people who remind me of my personal failures live.
- David Gregory

Home is where I go to escape from society's pressures.
- Nobody Anymore

American Pain

2011-02-28T20:26:00.006-05:00

Here's some paranoid half-baked thoughts:

Oh to be the guy who had a great idea but didn't know how to capitalize on it. Great ideas sometimes die on the vine.

I've been thinking about Twitter. Simple idea, simple software... a plan had to be put in place to scale it as it gained users, that's probably the largest technical hurdle... but for the most part it's value is created entirely by its users not its designers.

Crowdsourcing is a new term that's being thrown around in the media. It probably was first created by a journalist for a technology magazine like WIRED.

Crowdsourcing... it sounds benign. Blogspot is doing it now. I'm helping it to "Crowdsource". They use my contribution to add value to this service. Crowdsourcing is like a mass unpaid internship.

Most people rationalize blogging as self promotion or exposure for their work, but is it really that useful? Broadcasting yourself to masses of people like this hoping somebody with connections will find you and start you on your career; is that a fair way to look at it? Is that just cynicism? Writing for free? Working for free? Are services like this simply intellectual capital for tech companies. Will artistic work be devalued like blue collar work? We have machines and robots that are making blue collar labor irrelevant... is this happening now to artists with Internet services like the one I'm using right now? Are we all pouring our creative impulses into digital artifacts, send them into the cloud, and the new masters of the universe... the people who own the technological backdoors to filter, sort, and select this information are they going to play nice? Will they keep that value, if it is real value, to themselves? Will career creative types become a thing of the past? Will professions like writer and illustrator just become avocations again? Will we all be working retail at big box stores while writing and painting at night to feed the creativity cloud and getting nothing for it in return?

Doom, gloom, and paranoia.

Alien And Tree

2011-02-25T15:30:00.003-05:00

extra terrestrials vs terrestrial terrestrials.

ET's have too much terrestry. Let's take the terrestry back! Who's with me!

Diversify Or Die

2011-02-24T12:10:00.005-05:00

SNOW JOB INC. LLC. provides snow removal and public relations services. If you need an obstruction removed to get to where YOU MUST GO, whether it is piles of snow or ice or the will of the public at large, SNOW JOB INC. LLC. will help you plow through these nuisances so you can get back on the FAST LANE to success.

Cats And Dogs

2011-02-24T11:05:00.005-05:00

Cats and dogs... can they ever learn to get along?

Rulers Throughout The Centuuuuuurieeeeees...

2011-02-23T20:24:00.003-05:00

I should put this on t-shirts. That's a good idea. Maybe I will. Glad I thought of it. No you didn't; I did. Well that's up for debate.

The Wisconsin Situation

2011-02-23T14:11:00.006-05:00

Are David Koch and the Monopoly guy interchangeable yet?

Brainstorming Dead Ends

2011-02-22T01:56:00.001-05:00

Hey it happens. We've all been there.

Welcome. Welcome. Well-comb.

2011-02-21T09:34:00.004-05:00

Paper wealth. Cottage industries.

Let The Healing Begin

2011-02-17T10:18:00.002-05:00

Occam's Razor? Symbol Overload

2011-02-15T21:26:00.002-05:00

We'll Get The Scum

2011-02-15T17:34:00.003-05:00

whozzah or whatzah the guyza inchargza?

I Need A Reason - Dusty French

2011-02-11T16:05:00.010-05:00

Valentine's day! The day we celebrate love! After gazing into the eyes of your special someone, for the 12 hours as required by St. Valentine's liturgy, you may want to let your love hair down, and laugh at your potential heartbreaking and heartbroken futures along with the soon-to-be-sensational country singer, Dusty French, while he sings his new single, "I Need A Reason".

Kind of learn the lesson that only comes after years of abusing the most powerful drug known to mankind ( aka L-U-V ) by downloading and listening to this recording for free!

I Need A Reason by Dusty French

Great At Making Waste

2011-02-11T09:00:00.001-05:00

Buy this card for your newly potty-trained toddler or for that employee who's a bit too "liberal" ( if you know what I mean ) with the company's expense account.

Drink From Your Own Cup

2011-02-10T09:00:00.000-05:00

Food Chain

2011-02-09T15:35:00.003-05:00

Who wants to start a fastfood restaurant with me? You can do the cooking and I'll do the marketing and interior decorating. We could be the next Bob's Big Boy!

Is there a China Town in Berlin?

Ape Gogglz

2011-02-09T10:00:00.001-05:00

"Ape Gogglz" is sometimes called "Alcohol".

Fake Albummer Art

2011-02-09T09:00:00.000-05:00

Why, Mr. Fishpit, Why?

L Is For...

2011-02-08T22:38:00.002-05:00

The bouncing ball represents either money or shit depending on which of the two most popular world views you prescribe to.

New Money Making Opportunity

2011-02-08T15:13:00.003-05:00

I'll fill you in on the details later...

Album Cover Art For Album Cover Art's Sake

2011-02-08T09:00:00.002-05:00

I remember the day I "heard" that dinosaurs didn't go completely extinct but merely evolved into birds.

Are they TRYING to destroy my childish dreams!?

Reverse Album Art

2011-02-07T09:00:00.000-05:00

Looking to start a band but don't know where to start? Just use this album cover as the foundation to your band's sound and aesthetic. You can call your band "The Gumballs" or "Cherry"; you might get sued if you use the later though.

Once you've made it huge and are selling out stadiums you can give me my cut... which is only 60%. Oh yeah, and only do this if you're talented with a burning desire to WIN AT ALL COSTS. I'm not a charity.